For many people, feeling disappointed on or after Valentine’s Day is just as predictable as the Presidents’ Day Sales. One of the reasons is that we have a multitude of beliefs about romance, subconscious ideas about our self-worth, childhood recollections of how this holiday was spent, assumptions about how it should be spent, ideas about romance and just about anything else you could dream up with a bit of imagination and the help of your girlfriends’ diaries of Valentine’s Day Disappointments.
Here are three typical and predictable disappointment scenarios and remedies.
Another Valentine’s Day Alone Or I’m Not Loveable
You’re still single and your best friend is in a new long distance relationship and you had planned to spend Valentine’s Day together. Her new guy, who has plenty of money, called on February 12 to tell her he’s booked a flight to come see her and take her out Valentine’s Day. While you are happy for her new relationship and, of course, you understand, you are secretly jealous of her newly found love and not looking forward to spending the evening alone. Scenes of Pretty Woman are running through your head as you lament that romance just isn’t in the stars for you, never has been and probably never will be. What’s so sad about this line of thinking is that our thoughts are in fact our internal steering committee and will prove you right. So long as you believe romance isn’t for you, it never will be.
That doesn’t mean that you have to be melancholy and sad. Other than calling a friend to join her, be your own Valentine by treat yourself to some very special ME time. Pleasure and treasure yourself first with whatever makes you feel pampered and special. Set your intention to be happy. Valentine’s Day is about loving the one you’re with and that starts with beautiful you.
Expectations And Mind Reading
Knowing how we celebrated Valentine’s Day as a child and how our partner celebrated it will go a long way in avoiding disappointment on Feb 14th. If your parents and family valued all the Valentine’s Day anticipation, romance and trappings then chances are you will be expecting to enjoy the same ritual celebration. If on the other hand, your partner has no interest in Valentine’s Day and his family never did either, you can be pretty sure he probably won’t be thinking about romancing you on his own. It’s not good or bad, it’s just not on his radar and he doesn’t love you any less because he didn’t get a dozen red roses or wine and dine you.
Instead of waiting for him to make you happy, have an open loving conversation about both your needs and desires around celebrating holidays. After all, open communication is all about love and love happens 365 days a year, not any more or less on Feb 14th. Or, take the initiative to surprise him with a delicious evening of whatever turns you both on. Guys like to be romanced, too.
Ugh, Giving And Receiving Gifts Can Be So Complicated!
Guys – and women, too — may be clueless about giving gifts and that only means they do not have any clear ideas from you about what you want. Clueless doesn’t mean stupid, thoughtless or not loving. Many men I have spoken to complain that women think they are mind readers. A lot of men are really good at picking up tips and cues from women, remembering they mentioned a favorite restaurant to go to or their favorite perfume, but it that enough to go on for a successful Valentine’s Day, whatever successful means! Imagine how hard it must be for him to buy a gift, especially if he feels an obligation to do so, that he thinks or hopes you’ll love when he really doesn’t have a clue and then he realizes that he is completely wrong. He’s disappointed and so are you. This all goes back to having the conversation about how you celebrate holidays. I get it. It may not sound romantic to talk about it all, but how romantic is unnecessary disappointment?
All of these scenarios are easily avoidable. If disappointment starts to set in on February 15th, remember these tips about giving and receiving, expectations and beliefs, and that romance is there for you if you believe in it. It starts with loving you first.
If you want to know more about how to avoid any post holiday blues, take my Compatibility Index. In 45 minutes, I’ll tell you what is holding you back from happiness and compatibility in all your relationships.