7 Secrets to Mastering Communication – Secret #3 Decide

7 Secrets to Mastering Communication – Secret #3 Decide

Welcome to Secret #3 of 7 Secrets To Mastering Communication

SECRET #3 – Decide To Become A Master Communicator

“Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”  C.S. Lewis

I can remember being really annoyed with my husband sometimes and having that inner voice say, “Don’t say that!” And then, of course, I said exactly that! Can you relate? Of course, I didn’t know about Mastering Communication then!

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How often do you catch yourself regretting a conversation and wishing that you’d handled it differently? When we let our emotions get in the way, feel defensive, afraid or get caught off guard, it’s so easy to lose our cool and say exactly what we know we shouldn’t say! Effective communication when we are stuck in “The Ugh Syndrome” or “The Boxing Glove Syndrome.” You’ve probably already realized that whining and anger just don’t yield the results you want.

Often, because we didn’t have the best role models of ideal communicators, we repeat the conversational styles we grew up with and can’t figure out why we feel unheard, discouraged, needy, guilty, bitchy and a multitude of other emotions that get in the way of competent,authentic and confident communication. If we came from a family of champions of conflict avoidance and were taught that little girls should always be nice then we may very well need to reclaim or voice and learn to speak our truth. Alternatively, if your grew up in a family where shouting, sarcasm, judging and snide condescending remarks were the conversation MO you may automatically respond in that way, too. The intellectual pursuit of mastering communication will only get you so far.

The good news is all of that Mastering Communication will happen with Secret #3 which is to decide that you want to be a Master Communicator. With dedication, perseverance and these 6-Steps To Becoming a Master Communicator, you’ll be able to shed old habits and replace them with new ones.

6-StepsTo Becoming A Master Communicator

  1. Decide that you are committed to adapting new communication skills and habits.
  2. What is your personal image of you as a Master Communicator? What are the qualities and traits you have? Brainstorm your beliefs, values, attitudes and anything else you can think of. Maybe you have a real person in mind whose communication style you admire. What do you appreciate about them?
  3. Pick a few that come closest to the Master Communicator you want to be. On separate cards or post-its, write an affirmation using those qualities. For example, “I am focused and present in my conversations.” Place them in a spot where you see them regularly. You can also program reminders in your calendar.
  4. Each day set your intention to be the Master Communicator that you want to be, the one you described and decided to be. Pay close attention to your communication and the shifts you feel in your mind, body and spirit and take note of them in a journal.
  5. What kind of results will you see as you raise your level of communication skills?
  6. Reward yourself for sticking with it! Remember that you have decided to embark on an organic journey of communication transformation. It’s a process not an event so be gentle on yourself if you still regret an awkward conversation.

Congratulations for deciding to take action to become a Master Communicator!

I’m so glad you are here! If you liked this post, please leave your comment and feel free to share it with family and friends.

To Your Communication Mastery!


If you’re frustrated at not being heard, feel like your needs are not being met, say “Yes” when you really want to say “No” and take things personally, then you should definitely contact me today about my innovative online Compatibility Index. In less than 60 minutes, I can tell you exactly why you are struggling in your conversations and give you tips and strategies for communicating your needs and desires confidently, elegantly and guilt-free!



14 Responses to 7 Secrets to Mastering Communication – Secret #3 Decide

  1. I definitely try to think before I speak. Some days I do better than others.
    Ellen Christian recently posted…Alzheimer’s Prevention InitiativeMy Profile

  2. Emily Wilke says:

    This is a great post. I will be checking out the series. I think I was lucky and had geat parental communication role models. Also, my husband and I are early in starting our family with two very young children, but we know that communication is the key to keeping our relationship strong. Not to say we won’t need to work on it, but we are starting on the right foot!
    Emily Wilke recently posted…Cards: Baby AnnouncementMy Profile

    • Deb says:

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying the series, Emily. When my first son was a newborn, I bought the book, “How To Talk So Kids Will Listen And How To Listen So Kids Will Talk” and it was very helpful. I love hearing people say they are committed to working on good communication. The cool thing is when there is trust and kindness and you know we’re not perfect, it’s easy to understand that sometimes we say the wrong thing and not attach any judgment or meaning to it. Thanks for your comment!

  3. Great steps here, Deb! I love how you ended it with a gentle reminder. I think it’s so important to have self-compassion for ourselves when we’re making big changes like this. It’s key to our success!
    Jocelyn Kelly recently posted…GUEST POST :  Get an Edge by Learning Grant WritingMy Profile

    • Deb says:

      A friend and I were talking the other day and she mentioned hearing that self-compassion is now replacing the term self-love. It sounds good to me! Thanks for your comment!

  4. This great advice Deb! I am awaiting the arrival of a NLP course since I was told that NLP empowers those who use it to become masterful communicators, achievers and creators. I would love to learn how to apply powerful principles and proven tools for maximizing my own success as well as supporting my clients in rapid transformation and healing.
    Rachel Lavern recently posted…6 Ways To Create Flagship Content On Your BlogMy Profile

    • Deb says:

      NLP is a fabulous tool and I use it a lot. It really helped me see patterns and the triggers in my responses and greatly impacted my life in all areas. Go for it! Thanks for your comment!

  5. Great post! I’m so good at communicating with blogs, articles, even emails, but when it comes to face to face communication, I will take all the help I can get :)
    The Famous Ashley Grant recently posted…Get Ready For Bikini Season Without Dieting!My Profile

    • Deb says:

      I hope this has been helpful, Ashley. Please stay tuned for the other posts. Which communication topics would be helpful to you? I love hearing my readers’ input for topics. Thanks!

  6. Anne Dovel says:

    Great post! I’ll be checking out the others in the series too. We’ve been married almost 28 years now, but communication still isn’t our forte! :)

    Anne Dovel
    Anne Dovel recently posted…Branding is such a tricky businessMy Profile

    • Deb says:

      It’s an organic process and when you are in a trusting authentic relationship it’s easy to clarify and realign without blame. Thanks for sharing!

  7. Dina dove says:

    Deb, when I was young, I was very outspoken and made a number of enemies. That was not much fun. So, I quickly learned to think before I spoke and things have been much better since.

    Many people do not know how to diagree in a way that is both effective and maintains good cennection. And some have never found their voice at all. What you are teaching is very valuable. Thank you.

    • Deb says:

      Thanks for sharing your experience, Dina. It took me awhile to learn those skills, too, and reclaim my voice. I’m pleased that you find it so valuable, too.

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